Happy Anniversary???

Or, should I say, Happy Birthday???  After all, I did flatline.  Okay, I'll give you a little back story.  It was one year ago, today, that I had my heart attack.  It was sudden, without warning, and very eye opening.  At the ripe old age of 46, I had a heart attack and subsequent triple bypass surgery.  I guess Happy Anniversary is more in line since I didn't flatline until after my surgery approximately a week later.  Either way, let me say that I am happy to be alive!!!  Very, very, VERY happy to be alive!!!

Now, anyone that knows me knows I'm not a very religious person.  I was born and raised Baptist/Southern Baptist, but have since tried to follow a Taoist belief structure (as if you couldn't tell by the title of my blog).  Now, I'm not saying that there wasn't some omnipotent being overseeing everything, but I know that I owe what I call my life today, to a group of very talented individuals.  First and foremost, there are three kids (well, I call them kids since they went to school with my step-daughters) that came to my door when my roommate called 911.  I know I've said this before, but there is no way that I will ever be able to reciprocate, in kind, what Tyler Parker, Theresa Sieverding and Bret Carlson did for me!  There is no doubt in my mind that, if not for them, I wouldn't be here today.  I love all three of you, and I know that you are doing your parents a great honor by what you do everyday!

And, then, of course, the Phenomenal Dr. Torres and his team at The University of Iowa Hospital and Clinics did their part, as well.  I mean, they only cracked open my chest and performed the triple bypass CABG (pronounced cabbage) 

that ultimately saved my life.  Considering I had blockages or 70%, 80% and 90% in the three arteries involved, I didn't have much choice on whether I was going to have the surgery.  Evidently, the previous 46 years of drinking, smoking, drug use, not eating healthy, etc., caught up with me.  Well, since that day, I haven't been completely health-conscious, but I have quit smoking, I do workout, I am eating healthier and I don't drink near as much as I used to.  I actually took part in a 5k last fall, although I walked the majority of it, and am hoping to partake in it again this fall.  However, I plan on running the majority, if not all, of the 5k this time.

Now, I'm not saying I'm going to be able to run the entire thing, but I'm going to give it my best shot.  I've been working out about 3 - 4 times a week, while getting pumped by my workout playlist that I created on Spotify titled appropriately, Denny's Workout.  I never really realized how much music helps you when you're working out, but it does.  I totally get into the music to the point that sometimes the people at the CHAMPS clinic where I work out start to worry because I get the pace going so fast they're worried I might have another heart attack.  LOL  I bust out about 30 minutes on an arc trainer, 30 mins on a recumbent bike and also do strength training on the weights.  I've been upping the levels on the arc trainer and the bike, and upping the reps I do with the weights.  And, now, my lovely lady and I have started walking the .8 mile trail at Noelridge Park.  I'm going to keep doing that on top of my regular workouts, too.

But, if you must know, the best part of this is the lovely lady that I am soooo lucky to have in my life.  Yeah, I know I said I wouldn't do any more of this lovey-dovey, wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff, 

but I can't help it where Sheila's concerned.  She brings out the hopeless romantic in me.  Or, should I say, the "hopeful" romantic in me? I am completely in a great place in my life right now, and I owe it all to her.  I can honestly and openly state, "I love her with all my being!"  Yeah, I know, I'm getting mushy.  So, I will stop that, and get on with the end of my blog.  I truly do find that my blogging has been very therapeutic, if not cathartic, at least, from a mental and emotional standpoint.


Lastly, I'm going to start to include a video of a song that not a lot of people may know in each of my blogs.  Whether anyone knows the song or group/performer is of no concern, because the song is going to be speaking to me and my life at the time of my writing the blog entry.  So, with that, I'd like to share an excellent tune from the 70s by a little band called Marmalade.

So, until next time, my minions, Peace, Love and Karma to you all!

I'm out!!!

Rites of Spring, Anyone???

Well, here we are my minions.  Spring abounds.  The only problem, nobody bothered to tell Mother Nature!  Either that, or that spiteful witch is drunk off her ass!!!  I mean, come on, really?  You tease us with 70 degree weather over the weekend, then start the week off with temps down in the 20s and 30s?  And, various areas were even covered, albeit lightly, with that white stuff that is probably more hated in the state of Iowa than cocaine!  You decide!



"Say hello to the Bad Guy!"




I have to be honest, not that I'm not with any of these posts.  I started this latest post a couple of months ago when Mother Nature couldn't make up her mind what the Hell she wanted to do with the weather here in the Heartland.  Since then, there's been a plethora of activity in my life, both good and bad.  I don't know where to start, so I'm just going to put it out there.  I've started a new chapter in my life.

On the good side, I'm in a new relationship.  I've known this beautiful woman for a couple years; we met through a mutual friend.  We've talked in the past, went on a date, and we hit it off, for lack of a better phrase.  We spent a lot of time together, and I eventually moved in with her.  Most of my friends and family already know her.  But, for those of you who don't, her name is Sheila.  She's smart, funny, and a wonderful person, not to mention she's my best friend.  I know, I've spilled my heart in previous blogs about a certain woman I was involved with, but do not be a pessimist.  We are still friends, and we wish nothing but the best for both of us.  You see, we're both mature enough to know that we weren't ready for each other, even though we jumped in with both feet.  

I'm continuing my workouts at the facility where I did my cardiac rehab, and it's going well, although I'm not getting there as many times a week as I'd like.  I continue to bust out 25 - 30 minutes on the arc trainer, 25 - 30 minutes on the recumbent bike, and also do weight training when my arthritis allows it. And, I have gotten under 260 lbs. for the first time in a very long time.  Granted, I lost about 25 - 30 lbs. due 
to the heart attack and subsequent triple bypass, but I have 
continued to eat right and workout.  I have, by no means, gone vegan or vegetarian, much to the chagrin of one my high school classmates and long time friends, but I have been open to suggestions from her.  Hell, I've even come to like spicy black bean burgers.  Granted, if I'm going to keep eating those, I've got to invest in Beano.  LOL

Things are going well at work, too.  I'm back in the flow of QA for online forms for a variety of states after about a two month vacation in the level 2 tech support group.  In all honesty, I had a blast helping out with getting the new testing software going for numerous schools.  It was a welcome change, even though I did have one woman who decided it would be better to verbally berate me instead of letting me help her with the issue at hand.

 

Anywho, I got past it, and really enjoyed actually helping people for a change.  And, then, when I was starting to feel like I was making a difference, I get called back to my old department.  I'm not complaining by any means.  I can honestly say that I like what I do.  

Now, for the bad stuff.  To put it simply, my house was foreclosed.  Yeah, it's not something I'm proud of, but it happened.  Ever since my wife passed away over 3 years ago, I've been basically putting every dollar I make into the house, in the hopes that I could stay in it.  But, I came to the realization that I wouldn't be able to do that.  Mind you, I was doing everything I could to prolong the agony, but it was to no avail.  I fought the good fight, but, sorry to say, I wasn't able to come out on top at the end of the fight. 

So, to put it bluntly, my ex in-laws and my step-kids probably think I'm a piece of shit, but you know what, I don't give a fuck.  I'm tired of trying to please them.  I've been trying for so long that I lost touch with myself.  And, believe you me, I like touching myself.  

Well, that pretty much covers it for now.  Suffice it to say that I'm as happy as I can be, in love with a beautiful woman, enjoy spending as much time with her as possible, and want to continue living the dream.  So, until next time, my minions, keep fighting the good fight!

Peace, Love and Karma!

I'm out!

No Ordinary Love...

I wasn't going to do this, but I can't think of a more cathartic way to get through the rest of this day.  It was a mere three years ago that my late wife, LeAnn, passed away.  It was sudden, unexpected, and completely devastating.  One minute, we were talking about her, her mom and the youngest going to visit the middle daughter who was due any minute with her first child.  I guess, in a way, it was good that she hadn't left that night to go because when she had the heart attack, if they had gone, they would have been on the road, and all three could have been in an accident and the outcome could have been worse.  So, I guess, for that I am truly thankful.  But, that is the only positive to come out of this tragedy.  

Many of you were never fortunate enough to meet LeAnn.  But, for those of you who had, you know that she made me a better person.  She was a beautiful lady, not just in physical beauty, but in inner beauty.  She always gave of herself, without regards to the situation.  She was always there for her girls, no matter what the situation called for, no matter where they were.
 This is where I started to become a better person.  These situations tended to cause problems between us, basically, because I would be a selfish ass at times.  She taught me to be able to give of myself for others, and not to worry so much about what would happen to me.  I'd always thought I was like that, but looking back, I was always concerned about how it made me look.  That is, when family is not involved.  There is nothing that will stop me from helping my family, no matter what.  

Not that my family, including her and the girls, always saw eye-to-eye, either.  There were some rocky times for us and certain members of my family, both blood and adopted, if you will.  There was a rift so large that it caused constant stress on a lot of my family, including my parents.  The what, how, why, etc., isn't important.  What is, though, is that I missed out on some important things in my family's life.  For that, I apologize, although it wasn't entirely our fault.  But, that is in the past, and best forgotten.  There are many facets of our marriage that a lot of my friends and family are not privy to, and it will stay that way.  Suffice it to say, we weren't a perfect couple.  We had our ups and our downs, but what was most important, to me anyway, is that we were getting through it together.  We had come through some very rough times, and we were on what seemed to be a path of forgiveness and rebuilding our lives together.  

I know she would not want me to pine away my days for her.  And, I've done my best not to do that.  I have had a couple of serious relationships since her passing, but they were for naught.  Mind you, the women involved are very beautiful and in no way did I compare them to LeAnn, but I found myself trying to do to/for them what I was unable to do for her.  That wasn't fair to either of them, and was the basic reason for not continuing the relationships.  I was trying to be something I wasn't, and I was the reason for the break ups, not those beautiful, smart women.  

Well, that's about it, except I'm going to share what I called the third happiest day of my life.  It's a picture from our honeymoon trip we took to New York City.  It wasn't my first time there, but it was LeAnn's and she fell in love with the Big Apple.  

She wasn't just my wife, either, my friends.  She was my best friend, my confidant, my Sacred Love.  She was, is and always will be the best part of me and my life.  And, just as the title of this post states, we had no Ordinary Love.

Thank you for allowing me to share this with you all.

Peace, Love and Karma to you all!

So this guy walks into a bar....

He has a couple of drinks, shots, etc., and bullshits with his friends and other patrons of the fine drinking establishment.  He then goes to another bar where he has a couple more drinks and shots, bullshits with more friends and patrons, and even makes a couple new friends.  And, then, he goes to another bar to partake in even more beverages of an adult nature with friends and patrons.  This fine young gentleman, if you have guessed by now, would be yours truly.  I know, I shouldn't be doing that, having drinks, a good time, flirting, and then driving home.  I know all about the dangers of doing that, so don't comment below on how irresponsible I'm being.  Suffice it to say, I arrived alive, and did not hit, kill or maim anyone or any animals on the way home.

But, then........then, I turned into something I detest.  I became one of "them" and by that I mean, I started drunk Facebooking!  And, it's not the first time either.  I've done it a time or two before, but this last time really bugged me.  The reason it bugged me most of all is, I don't freaking remember actually doing it!  I said something along the lines of, "Life sucks" and I don't quite understand why.  I was out with some friends having a "few"

drinks, laughing, joking and flirting, and I was in a good mood.  Granted, life does suck, but wasn't sucking at that moment.  I thought someone might have hacked me, but my phone was on my person the entire time.  So, unless my butt does more than dial (among other things), I did, indeed, do it.  

Over the past month or so, I've gone through some......stuff.  I'm not going to go into, really, but suffice it to say I've come out of a relationship with a wonderful woman, who really deserves better than I could give her.  And, I guess, that's when I turned into one of "them."  I let me emotions get the better of me, and I wallowed in a little bit of self-pity.  We all do it, but I decided to broadcast it via Facebook, and in doing so, I joined the infamous group of whiners that seem to think it's okay to tell the world their problems and thus, fish for sympathy and compliments to make themselves feel better.  I never thought I'd ever do that, and for that, I apologize.

So, starting now, I'm going to do something I never thought I would do.  No, I'm not going to stop drinking.  That would be crazy, not to mention

hypocritical of me to even attempt to make that claim.  What I'm going to do is, no longer accept any responsibility for anything that comes across my Facebook wall via my phone, unless it's me simply "checking in" at an establishment.  I will deny, deny, deny any claim made "allegedly" by me or about me, unless there is bona fide proof (via un-photoshopped pictures or any video) that I did, indeed, partake in said frivolities.  And, that's not to say I won't partake either. 

There you have it, folks.  I'm turning over a new leaf.  I'm gonna behave.  That means the next time I walk into a bar, it's gonna be something like this...

Alright, my minions, that's all for now.  I'm out!

Peace, Love and Karma to you all!!!

"I get by with a little help from my friends..."

A truer song has never been sung.  I honestly don't know where I would be without my friends.  And, my family, too, of course.  Blood, step, or extended, it doesn't matter.  I wouldn't be alive today without them.  Everyone of them has been there for me, through thick or thin, high or low, here and there.

"What would you think if I sang out of tune
Would you stand up and walk out on me?"

Most of my friends, whether they noticed or not, wouldn't say anything if I did.  Mostly, because they'd be up there with me singing, or they'd be too drunk to walk out of the bar.  LOL And, that's just one of the things that makes my friends the greatest people on the planet!  Really, it's a minor thing, too, in the grand scheme.  My friends have brought me back from the brink so many times, I've lost count.  Not that I'm a basket case, or manic-depressive, or schizophrenic, or a complete psychopath, mind you.  Anyone that knows me will tell you, I'm just not all there sometimes.  I tend to fly by the seat of my pants, while wearing my heart on my sleeve.  And, to be honest, I'm really surprised that I've made it this far in life.  Granted, I almost didn't make it this far.  However, and I hate to admit this, I am in the process of changing my ways.  I'm actually working out regularly, and eating as healthy as I can. Well, healthier than I was previously anyway.

"Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song
And I'll try not to sing out of key"

I'd like to believe that my song is a happy one, too.  Now, anyone that knows me knows that hasn't always been the case.  And, I'm kind of weird (shocker) in that I like to put my life to music by expressing myself in the songs I listen to depending on how I'm feeling at the time.  And, I have a tendency to delve deep into the library of music from my life to portray those feelings.  I have songs tucked away in the dark places of my mind from my childhood (60s and 70s) that I can attribute to just about any state of mind I might be in. If you have any questions, just check out my playlists on Spotify.  And, I would recommend Spotify over Pandora again and again.  For those of you who don't know, Spotify lets you pick the songs you listen to and put in a playlist, where Pandora simply picks the songs for you based on the song/artist that you want to listen to.  Anyway, once you join Spotify (it is free, too), look me up and you can check out the multifarious selections that I listen to on a regular basis.  

"What do I do when my love is away?
(Does it worry you to be alone?)
How do I feel by the end of the day?
(Are you sad because you're on your own?)"

Anyone that tells you that they don't mind being alone, is full of shit!  Just saying.  Now, that doesn't mean all the time, mind you.  Because there are some people that like to be alone, according to them, anyway.  But, you can't tell me that, given the chance to be with that someone who makes them smile, laugh, cry, etc., they'd rather be all by their lonesome.  Believe me, I know!  I've been there, done that, got the shirt and wear the hat.  I've been married twice, involved with another woman for 6-1/2 years, dated others for even shorter amounts of time, and still cannot get it right.  And, I know I'll keep trying, too, because I hate being alone.  Especially when I'm wallowing in self-pity.  I'd rather share that with others.  (Not really.)  

"(Would you believe in a love at first sight?)
Yes I'm certain that it happens all the time
(What do you see when you turn out the light?)
I can't tell you, but I know it's mine"

And, there you have it.  Yes, I do believe in love at first sight.  I also believe that it happens a lot, too.  I say that, because it's happened to me at least twice in my life. Unfortunately, neither time worked out like I wanted it.  The first time, was actually my second marriage.  From the first time I saw LeAnn, I was smitten.  I actually told the mutual friend who introduced us, Eric, "That's the girl I'm gonna marry."  And, I did, too. Surprisingly, it was a departure from my standard idea of what I like in a woman, red hair and, to put it bluntly, very nice boobs.  I will admit it, I'm a boob man.  Although, that's not the first thing I notice in a woman.  Usually, it's her eyes.  As Shakespeare put it, "The Eyes are the window to your soul."  I don't know whether I agree with him or not, but I do know the eyes are the way to my heart.  And, therein lies the rub.  I become pretty much oblivious to my surroundings and everything going on once I make eye contact with a woman who has eyes anywhere close to resembling these:

Or, at least, I used to.  Too many times I've been let down, hurt, lied to by their eyes. And, I'm not going to do let that happen again.  It's not that I want to be alone.  It's just that I'm no longer worried about being in a relationship.  I've created a new mantra for myself, and it's pretty simple.  In a nutshell, I've "gotta research where the best location for random acts of carnal activity with a variety of anonymous females would best be served."  No more falling in love for this guy.

With that, my friends, I will bid you adieu.  Until next time, remember, it doesn't matter where you go, there you are.  As I've said in the past, I do welcome suggestions, ideas, comments, anecdotes, etc., on this or any previous blog of mine.  I'd also like to welcome any ideas for my next blog, too, unless you truly do enjoy my spewing off the top of my head.  LOL  That's all for now, boys and girls.  I'm out!

Peace, Love and Karma to you all!

Young, dumb and full of....love

Hello again.

Welcome back to my little slice of reality.  It's been a little while since I've jumped back into the fray, but that's only because I've been busy.  Doing what, you ask?  Well, that's another story for another time.  Maybe.  Not sure how I'd flesh that one out without hurting someone else.  So, let's just pushed that aside and concentrate on this story.

This post is about my first experience into what I believed to be love.  As the title states, I was young, dumb and full of, well, yeah.  I was never one for dating anyone I went to school with.  It wasn't from a lack of wanting to, but I wasn't exactly the bravest when it came to asking girls out.  I wasn't exactly the dashing and debonair stud back then, that you've all come to know and love.  I was a fat, weird kid back then, not that that has changed a whole hell of a lot.  Not as shy, but what I lack in shyness has manifested itself in stupidity.  I just can't seem to get it right.

Anyway, it's not like I never dated anyone I went to school with, actually.  There was one or two, but they shall remain nameless.  This chronicle involves what would later become my first of many mistakes in the field of romantic relationships.  I refer to my first marriage.  We were both students in high school when we met.  She was from the Quad Cities area, and I met her in Washington, D.C., of all places.  

We were part of a program called Close Up, and if you ever get the chance to send your kid(s) to this, I would strongly suggest it!  You can check out the info about it here: http://www.closeup.org/.  Sorry, but I still feel that this should be a part of every school's curriculum.  If we start teaching the future generations right about how screwed up our government is, maybe, just maybe, they can do something about it.  What happens is you spend a week in D.C., and get to experience many aspects of the government in action, but also get to partake in other activities as well.  Anyway, we met there, had some fun, and then proceeded to get to know each other after we got back.  

We spent a lot of time together, even though it was a long-distance ordeal.  Looking back, I wouldn't call it a relationship now.  That would infer a connection of some kind.  I think I was fooling myself when I believed that she was only seeing me, even though I had no solid proof to prove otherwise.  I think I wanted to believe it.  Long story short, we dated much of the Spring and Summer of my senior year (her junior year), and then I left that August for my stint in the Army.  ****And, at the chance of sounding like a fucking recruiter, I would say that military service is something every young man or woman should consider.  Even though it didn't work out for me, it did take me around the world (South Korea, Okinawa, Japan and Australia) and showed me things I never would have seen had I not enlisted.

I loved the fact that I had a "girl back home" that I would write to, and call when I could.  And, she would write back, too.  I know, weird, hunh?  Well, suffice it to say, I proposed to her over the phone when she informed me that she was pregnant with my son.  Being filled with the excitement that involved being told I was going to be a father, I decided that "my son" was not going to be born without my last name.  No bastard here, thank you very much!  So, against many, many, many people's better judgement, we were married.

Well, as it turns out, I'm thinking I was on dope.  And, it wasn't even the good stuff, either.  Had it been, well, I wouldn't have been in the Army for the 3 years I signed up for, but I wouldn't have cared about being married to a psychopath, either.  But, I might still be married to said woman, and that's absolutely the last thing I would want.  I'm sure she's a fabulous person nowadays (she actually sent me a Facebook friend request which I quickly declined) but the only person in her family that I ever got along with, and still talk to once in a while, is her oldest sister.  We seemed to hit it off right from the start, and we still have remained "friends" to this day.  So, it wasn't a complete loss!  LOL

I'd like to say that my son was also one of the good things to come out of the "relationship," but, as I've mentioned in a previous positing, he wants nothing to do with me.  As much as it pains me to know this, I respect his wishes, and don't try to contact him.  And, that's all I'm gonna say about that.

So, I hope I haven't bored you too much.  As I indicated in my initial posting, this is my therapeutic way of dealing with shit.  So, if you've enjoyed it, great.  If not, oh well.  You all be good to each other!  I'm out!


Peace, Love and Karma to you all!!!

Resolutions? Resolutions??? We don't need no stinking resolutions!!!

"Should old acquaintance be forgot......."

Then why the hell would you even mention them?  Lest they be something of legend or lore, fuck 'em!  Yeah, I know, I'm starting this latest testament to my ego with an edge.  But, as the late, great Macho Man Randy Savage said, "If you're not living life on the edge, you're taking up too much space!"  

Yes, I'm quoting the Macho Man.  He was a hero of mine, no matter how he lived his life.  Yeah, he was a professional wrestler, a Slim Jim hawker ("Snap into a Slim Jim!"), and even a whack-a-doodle color commentator, but he was also a man for the ages.  

****Time for a soapbox moment.  
As a longtime fan of professional wrestling (yes, I know it's scripted so shut the fuck up), I find it appalling that he isn't a member of the coveted (?) WWE Hall of Fame.  I know why that is, mind you.  Randy, who would have rather kicked Vince McMahon's face in as to look at him, declined to be a member of the HOF unless he was inducted along with his father, Angelo Poffo, and his brother, Lanny Poffo.  And, granted the latter two never achieved the notoriety of Randy, they very well could be considered one of the "First Families of the Modern Era" where wrestling is concerned.  (For more info, just wiki the Macho Man.)  Anyway, Vince needs to do the right thing and get the Macho Man where he belongs!  Nuff said.

Okay, now back to our regularly scheduled programming.  As I look back at 2013, I can honestly say I've experienced nearly the entire spectrum of feelings throughout this year.  I not only lost a dear family member, I nearly lost my own life.  And, thanks to great family and friends, I'm back on the mend, and in the best place I've been in in a very long time.  I'm doing all I can to get myself to a physical state that doesn't jeopardize my well being (props to Dr. Torres and his crew at the U of I Hospital) and I've met the most incredible creature in the universe.  And, get this, she digs me!!!  I know, right???  WTF is her problem???  I'm not sure, by she may be in need of some psychiatric help.  Just saying.
Just trust me when I say this, "I absolutely love this woman with all my being!"  She not only has restored may faith in love, but she's restored my faith in myself.  And, she's even got me going to church!  (SSSHHHHH, don't tell anyone.)  More on that at a later time.

Back to the past year.  I think it's odd that people continue in the passe notion of resolutions.  Basically, they're saying, "I resolve to do whatever I said I would do last year or years past because after a night of drunkedness, you can't expect me to remember what the hell it was I resolved to do, do you???"  Yeah, I may be cynical about resolutions, but I look at it like this.  If a person can't resolve to be a better person on a daily basis rather than one day a year, then why try to make yourself look better by publicly stating that you're going to be better in the oncoming year?  Cracka, please???

So, just so all of you that read this (okay, the 2 of you that read this) know, I'm not going to make any resolutions, just as I haven't done the previous 47 years of my life.  I will, however, do what I can to make Melissa and the kids's lives better.  And, to my family and friends, I'm going to be a little cliche here.  I recently came across a story, and I don't care about the story as much as I do the poem involved.  It reminds me of my Aunt Frannie, may she rest in peace, in that it sounds like something she would say.  So, with that, in this upcoming year, I'd like to wish all of you "enough."

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Goodbye."

Peace, Love and Karma to you all!